HOW TO WRITE A REALLY BAD POEM

Attention Deficit University
presents another lecture
by Dr Speedbump
(This one is about something he does quite well)

How to Write a Really Bad Poem

PREFACE

If you want to write verse,
you can't do much worse
than to do what I'm doing today.
I sure hope that you
won't write like I do.
It's OK, though, to do what I say.

Lesson 1 - RHYME

If you choose to write verse in rhyme
Coming close will sometimes squeak by 'em
Emily Dickenson
got an exemption,
But we seek perfection each time.

Lesson 2 - RHYTHM

Some would-be poets beat a drum:
ta-TUM ta-TUM ta-TUM ta-TUM.
Others care only about rhyming
and don't mind if a line (due to too many words or not enough)

lacks timing.

In sum,
ta-TUM ta-TUM ad infinitum
eventually becomes as bothersome
as no rhythm.

Lesson 3 - ALLITERATION

Alliteration is a little like chili sauce.
Since the same starting sound sure sounds spiffy in spots,
It's a dandy device
that does add some spice.
But dinner's destroyed if you use lots and lots.

Lesson 4 - ORIGINALITY

Metaphors are the heart of good verse
Metaphorically speaking, of course.
Similes ought to be as
fresh as a summer 'bree-az'.
So please do not beat a dead horse.

You won't make an impression with obvious rhymes
and hackneyed expressions that are older than Time.
Like making 'Love' rhyme with 'Dove',
or 'Under Heaven Above'
So sing a new song, instead of poems like mine. 

CONCLUSION

          A poem might be bad due to sloppy technique.
          Yet proper technique is not all that you seek.
          For a poem that's good, you need something to say:
          A feeling or image that you wish to convey.
          You must make it your own -- you must make it unique.

           Ask yourself why you want to write poetry
           If you hope to achieve notoriety,
           here are some tricks you might try.
           Try being an addict or a bona fide lunatic
           Then wait for a century after you die.
       
           If it simply brings you joy to compose
           and you find it boring to write in prose.
                                Don't stop!

  

Class Dismissed

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