The Tao of Pain

Chronic pain is the Tao, the Way,

like Fibro or Arthritis.

We live to love for one more day,

with frailties that unite us.

Life is a beautiful mess -- and we're all in it together.

As a Rainy Day Dawns

Note:  This would make a better song than a poem.  Thus, it is a Work in Progress. 
Suggestions are welcome

As a rainy day dawns,
a weak old man yawns.
His legs and hands ache,
so he knows he's awake.

With groans and with moans
and creaky old bones,
with grunts and with sighs,
the man tries to arise.

His vision is blurred.
He can't hear a word.
With each wheezy breath
he's closer to death.

Accepting his pain,
he smiles at the rain.

When his feet touch the floor
he thanks God once more
for the gift of the dawn
and  the strength to go on,.

TRUST -- the saddest poem I've ever written

I remember the first time, twelve years ago,
   when a spring-loaded kitten
      jumped down from my desk and sat on my lap.
His name was Shamus,
   but we sometimes called him "Wild Thing",
      so I was delighted to have earned a little trust.

Today, "Wild Thing" was sitting on my lap for the very last time,
    as we waited for the vet to open that dreaded door.
He was serene -- I was sad,
   but also delighted that he put all his trust in me.
I remember thinking how his life is truly in my hands,
     and how it troubles me to have already made a decision
         that he doesn't know about ...
 or does he?

A Split-Rail Fence

PAIN is a fence -- 
     sometimes barbed-wire.
More often,
     a split-rail fence.
It can confine us,    
     if we succumb to it. 
We have choices, though:
Climb over it;  
      leap over it; 
          or pole-vault.  
Crawl under it.  
     Squeeze through it.  
Dismantle it. 
Balance on it.   
Find a gate; or build one.
Just ignore it, 
      run smack into it, 
      and get even more pain.
We always have choices.
Indecision is one of them.

A NEW YEAR (and I don't care)

5:30 am, January 1, 2014.

A new year and I'm still here. For that, I'm grateful.
Yet, what difference does a new year make?
Every day, every hour, every minute,    
every breath is a new beginning,
If I declare it to be so.
On we go.

One step into the future is a step out of the past.
But what of the moment? Where am I now?
If always coming or going,
     when does a human have time for being?
When is Life?

We leave the past behind:
      the celebration and the sorrow.
Memories are safe there -- nothing can hurt them.
Tomorrow has hope and fear, dreams and tears,
     and maybe even glory.
Is that the real story? I don't think so.
Every story has a beginning and an ending.
That's what we remember,
      but it's the middle that really matters:  
      where the peanut butter meets the jelly.

When I look at my hands, I can see where I am and where I have been.
I feel the roughness and the callouses, the stinging that lingers,
      the wounds not quite healed.
One hand is empty - nothing to clutch, nothing to do.
The other holds a pen.
Ah!  There is the moment  - alive and well,
     creating something, pausing, moving, stopping,
     making sense out of life.  So it goes.

Let the revellers toot their tin horns.
Let them have their new year. I don't care.
All I want is one more breath.

"ON FEELINGS" -- a poetical essay

"ON FEELINGS"

           a poetical essay by V. Lucid

Your Feelings belong only to You.

You gave birth to them.

They thrive on Neglect.

Sometimes you nurture them ... and they grow

            when you'd rather they didn't.

Sometimes you call them by a wrong name.

Still, they are Yours alone.

Sometimes you want to keep your Feelings to Yourself;

            especially when you're uncomfortable with them.

You're afraid that people won't understand:

            that they might laugh at You;

            or that You might get hurt.

You're afraid that people will think You are weak.

Listen Up, now!
Sensitivity has about as much to do with Weakness

            as Callousness has to do with Strength.

Nothing!  Absolutely Nothing!

The people who act as if they are stronger than You,
            more important, or superior in any way

            are always the people with the most insecurity

                        about themselves.

They are so afraid that others will find that out.

Other times, You feel compelled to express Your Feelings,

            at least to Someone You Trust.

Even then, it's not easy.

Words won't suffice.                    .

Words are useful to explain our Thoughts.

Feelings easily slip through the spaces between the Words.

Choose you Confidants carefully.

If you want Everyone to understand You ... get Real!

You can't expect people to be in touch with Your Feelings

            when they're not even in touch with their own.

If you want people to accept You Just the Way You are,

You have to accept them just the way they are --

            even when there is Injustice.

But that doesn't mean You have to like them. 
Yes, it is hard not to judge judgmental people .

If you want Someone, Anyone, to understand You,

            where do You start?

Right where You are, of course,  

Which Way do You go?

Toward Self-Understanding ... or better yet, Self-Love.

Listen up, again!

When You truly Love Yourself, Just the Way You Are,

You won't care what others may think of You.
Remember Always that You are a Child of God!

That Alone makes You Worthy,

            Just the Way You Are. 

My New Year's Resolutions for 2013

      in order of difficulty, more or less.  Please wish me luck !

1. Forgive myself for forgetting or defying most of my 2012 resolutions.
2. Try not to make more than $400,000 -- to avoid those nasty tax increases.
3. Get a haircut, maybe.
4. When there's time left on my parking receipt, leave it in the slot for the next guy.
5. When in Walm*rt, refrain from saying, "I'd like to see someone in Ladies Underwear."
6.  What the Heck, refrain from Walm*rt altogether.
7. Discard anything in the fridge with an expiration date from the 20th century.
8. Never leave fewer than 3 sheets of TP on the roll. It's the least I can do to be courteous.
9. Retire the following words or phrases  
         Paradigm, scenario, genre, out-of-the-box, under-the-bus, OMG, LoL, Deal with it,
         We need a bigger boat (I still like that one), or "Are you talkin' to me?"
10. File  my tax return before August,
    assuming the IRS knows before then what deductions didn't go off the Fiscal Cliff.
11. Try not to judge judgmental people.
12. Be as polite to my family as I am to strangers.
13. Remember that if I want people to accept me just the way I am,
            I have to accept them just the way they are (but I can still walk away).
14. Try not to complain, criticize or gossip.
15. Deleted --  already broken.  That's a sign to stop making resolutions. 

At the End of a Busy Day

Click Photo to enlarge it

Part I. CRITICISM FROM OTHERS

From CRITICISM,  A TRILOGY


FOREWORD

My head wrote this poem to buoy up my heart 
     when it was low in the water. 
It worked -- so now we offer this verse to you, 
     with sincere hope that you’ll find something useful. 
If you don’t like what it says or how it’s said, 
     we really don’t give a dust bunny.

It’s Not About You

Do not take to heart
     any judgmental comments from others.
Cynics and most critics
     are cursed with a relentless itch --
A need to convince themselves
     that they are not inferior to others.

They project their fears and inadequacies
     onto whomever they can.
So when they make disparaging remarks,
     it is one self-image chastising another.
Neither one is yours.
     It’s not about you at all.

If someone throws bricks at you,
     do not stoop to throw them back.
Build something with them --
     perhaps a wall around your garden.
Leave an open gate – you want a boundary,
     not a fortress or a prison.

Elitism is a Euphemism

Snobbery is Insecurity all dressed up
     in fancy, musty clothes from a stuffy attic.
False Pride is Shame going the ball --
     but dreading midnight.
Snobs are afraid they’ll be found out
     to be like everyone else, frail and flawed.

Most of their shortcomings matter very little,
     but one crucial virtue is lacking.
Humility – the habit of seeing yourself
     as you truly are, not as you wish to be.
Once you accept the truth,
     there is nothing left to prove.

Part II. SELF-CRITICISM Reprise from April 6, 2010

From CRITICISM: A TRILOGY

The Road To Perfection

The harshest critic is usually the Judge within you
     taking over the task begun by your parents.
Perhaps it’s time to send that judge down the road –
     and to exile the Judge’s soul-mate, the Victim --
that pin-cushion Martyr, with arrows by the hundreds
     sticking into him or her from all angles.

Do you set higher standards for yourself
     than you do for others? Isn’t that Vanity?
Why be so slow to forgive yourself for making errors,
     when you would so quickly forgive a friend?
Do you think you can achieve Perfection?
     If so, you’ve already made one big mistake.

Accept the fact that the Road to Perfection
     has not been completed -- nor will it ever be.
Check all your baggage except for one knapsack,
     then tear up the ticket and travel light.
Let the Judge and Victim trudge toward Perfection,
     while you head toward Fulfillment instead.

Your Garden

Peer into a mirror as if it were a window
     looking out on a garden.
Then step outside into that garden
     and just admire it for a while.
Now you may look around for weeds,
     but go slowly and carefully with the hoe.

Every new sprout is not an evil alien invader
     on a mission to choke your petunias.
Welcome some wildflowers,
     like Spontaneity and at least a little Risk.
Trust Helen Keller -- “Life is a daring adventure or nothing.
     Security is mostly a superstition. ”

Take time often to water your garden,
     but not with a fire hose.
Compassion is a persistent shower,
     but a gentle one --
Enough to wash the dust from the leaves
     and refresh the thirsty roots.

Now go somewhere else
     and do something different.
Come back in the morning light to see how well
     the garden grew during the night --
Simply because you turned it over and left it alone --
     trusting that all would be well. It is.

A SPECIAL BLESSING for SOMEONE I'VE KNOWN ALL MY LIFE

FOR ME

May Wisdom find me.
May Enlightenment guide me.
May I be marinated in Serenity, day and night.
May my Confidence and Humility learn to get along.

May my weaknesses become my strengths.
May Anxiety be transformed into Enthusiasm,
Obsessiveness into Endurance, Sadness into Serenity
Restlessness into Motivation, and Distraction into Imagination.

May I love myself as I love my neighbor.
May I be aware and accepting of whatever Love is offered to me.
May my Expectations of others dissolve in Mindfulness that they, too,
      are learning how to give and accept Love; and they may be repeating a grade.

May I notice the absence of physical pain, as well its presence.
May my pain remind me of the agony Christ quietly accepted for me.
May it serve as my offering on behalf of one of the multitude of Innocents
      who are suffering today from Hunger, Disease, Injustice, Oppression and Abuse.*

May I never forget that I am a Child of God.
May I have Faith in Him to match his Faith in Me.
May I realize that I do not have to earn His Guidance, Protection and Love.
May I muster enough Courage, each day, to show up for the Life He has planned for me.

*Even as I write this, the pain in my feet subsides considerably, replaced by warmth and a gentle tingling. I hope this means my offering was accepted -- and I wonder who and where is the beneficiary.

YARD WORK

The man who lives next door to me
Mows his lawn obsessively
And then he'll fertilize it, so
All the faster it will grow
And once again he'll have to mow.
This makes no sense at all to me.

But wait! There's more ...

He complains about the work, but still
He rakes the leaves so they won't won't kill
The grass he wishes would not grow,
The grass I know he loathes to mow!
I don't rake or mow and never will.
So, he calls me an imbecile.

Go figure.

HOW TO ACCEPT WHAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE

Define something that bothers you
and something else that brings you joy.
Write them down in two short phrases.
Now! Give them permission to exist in your kingdom.
Just for now. Not for ever.

Don't wrap your difficulty in despair,
nor get too comfortable with comfort.
Good fortune is a reason to be grateful,
rather than self-congratulatory or smug.
Acceptance precludes neither hope nor risk.

Wear or carry some little trinket, anything,
to remind you daily that "this, too, shall pass."
All that is painful or joyful, beauteous or hideous,
will inevitably fade like the morning fog.
So, give it permission to be in your kingdom ... for now.

Photo Credit: Dave Kemp - PicturePerfect.nu