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On Angels and Messengers

Monday, March 26, 2018

A Lenten Allegory

These are my new friends, Patience and Peter. They heard me tell the waitress at the Whistling Pig that I was "really starving".
So P & P insisted that I be their guest for dinner.  (Born-again buzzards take everything so literally.)  I asked about exigesis...they said he'd be there, too...with the whole gang.   "When?" "Thursday --Judas reserved the upper room. I asked if I could bring some wine. "Nope, Exigesis had that covered...the bread, too. "
Gotta love that Southern Hospitality. Eh?

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Government Reform II,: Photo Ops

5) Photo Ops in Vacant Government Offices

The Oval Office and Supreme Court Bench are vacant quite a bit: say at least 100 days per year.  I propose that people can buy Lottery tickets (@$10 each) to have there photographs taken in these vacant offices. Winners must make a $500 donation for an oval office photograph, with you at the presidential desk; or a $100 donation for a seat in the Supreme Court or  Cabinet Room. Do the math: 10 winners per hour x  10 hrs per day x 100 days per year x $100 each = $1,000,000 for 9 Supreme Court Seats and 11 Cabinet Seats = $20,000,000 + Oval Office income of $5,000,000  ($5000 per day for $100 days) + Lottery Proceeds less overhead costs (minimal, due to use of inmate labor).


(6} Family Photos 


(Evenings in the  Oval Office)
Additional funds can be raised by selling tickets for  photos with look - alikes of Donald, Chuck, Nancy, Paul and that other guy, whose name rhymes with Nancy's nickname. Ten per hour for 5 hours x 100 days @ $100 per photo + another $100 for fake autographs = $1,000,000/year in the Oval Office alone.  Rose Garden photos can be taken all day, almost every day for income up to $300,000,000.


Government Reform

An Excerpt from A Comprehensive Proposal to Reduce the Federal Deficit

7) Government Efficiency
I propose a new cabinet-level department: The US Federal Department of Redundancy Department

Under the direction of three  Secretaries (White, Black and Oriental)  this department will  identify or discover or document and eliminate or dismiss all overlapping, redundant or duplicative government agencies,  programs, congressional committees and federal employees who look alike. (That would spell trouble for Blacks and Orientals, if not for the extra two Secretaries). It is  difficult to estimate the cost savings, but at least a 25% reduction of the Federal budget percent is likely feasible. Additional iterations will save at another 25%, and so on, until the Department eliminates itself, like the EPA is doing now.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

A TROJAN HORSE for SCOTUS

It's not too soon for the Democrats to prepare for the next few vacancies on the Supreme Court. A simple majority is now all that's needed for confirmation. No longer will judges try to appear to be centrists or unbiased. The more radical they are, the better chance of being confirmed.  It's not a problem ... it's an opportunity.

What we need are some judges, who (like Stephen Colbert did before he blew his cover) pretend to be conservative, when in fact they are quite liberal.  Someone like that could be confirmed and then, once on the bench, could show his true colors.

This process could take years, of course, so here's a quicker way.
Create fictitious judges with fictitious biographies as ultra-conservatives.  When the time comes, hold auditions and hire an unknown actor to portray to role for the Senate confirmation and subsequent appointment. Unknown liberal actors, eager for the ultimate in job security, will be as common as popcorn on a theater floor. I might even audition myself. I'll wear a t-shirt that says "Beware of Geeks Bearing Gifts."  Heck, I could make enough money selling T-shirts that I could retire again -- and the vacancy would be filled by my understudy.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

A Wall for Fiscal-Conservatives


I have a some alternatives for fiscally conservative Republicans to consider rather than spending $15 billion to build a wall along the Mexican border. I have saved the best for last.
(1) Why not plant a cactus fence along the border, like in the picture below?

(2) Construction workers in Mexico learn about a $1.40 an hour, compared to $32 per hour for union construction workers in the US. Assuming that half of the total cost is materials, virtually all of the labor cost could be eliminated by hiring Mexican workers to build the wall.
(3)You can save even more by building  the wall near the border between Mexico and Guatemala -- where it's only about 150 miles from sea to sea. Mexico might even be willing to pay for that alternative to keep the Guatemalans out.

(4) Better yet ... an estimated 720,000 illegal immigrants enter the US annually across the Mexican border --  and about half of them get caught. These 360,000 could be detained in labor camps and paid 10¢/hour to construct the wall.
(5) Even better still, let's pay them to not build the wall, but we'll tell tRump that they are working hard.
(6) Lay off all the Border Control Agents and put a $1,000/head bounty on the illegal immigrants. Then let the vigilantes solve the problem. This would reduce the annual cost to $7,200,000. The program could be terminated when tRump leaves office.
(7) My personal favorite is to build a 3-inch high wall out of Legos in the eastbound breakdown lanes of Interstate Highways I-8 and I-10, as a diversion, and scatter loose Legos along it -- with signs in Spanish saying "Please remove shoes before entering the USA".



Saturday, January 28, 2017

BELIEF in GOD -- A TRILOGY

Do you believe in God?
Perhaps you are unsure.
I don't mean to prosthelitize.
I merely wish to present a view
that you may unknowingly share...
  or not.

"Those who claim to know
     the Will of God, 
those who preach as if 
   they have "Him" in their back pocket, 
must have a very small god, indeed."

PART 1

If you think you're a non-believer.
why limit yourself to what you think?
Contemplation can go
   where thought cannot.
Thought is the elevator
   in the Empire State Building
       that doesn't go all the way to the top.
You have to take another elevator
   to reach the observation deck.
Even then,
 an unreachable chrome spire
   towers high above you.

A finite, primate brain
   simply cannot conceive,
much less comprehend
     the inconceivable.
Humility demands a concession
    that there might, in fact,
      be Something out there.

"Don't be deceived
 by what you perceive.
There's so much more,
   very much more.
So very much more than this."

PART 2

Words get in the Way,
especially the word "God".
I believe in the Way.
I believe that we are all One.
Like a coral reef:
  one organism, many polyps.
I am a mere polyp,
but I am One with All That Is:
the conceivable and the inconceivable.
You are, too, (Yes, U2) ,
   for we are One.
'Life is a beautiful, chaotic mess;
and we are all in it together."

If we are all One, belief in the One
 only requires belief in one's self.
I do believe.
Do you believe, too?
You didn't think so,
   but perhaps you do.

PART 3

"Then you shall know the truth; 
and the truth will set you free.'
     -- John 8:32

The Truth is that
 "You Don't Know Shit."
Neither do I.  No mortal does.
Not even John
 -- but he might be right about this.

If we humbly admit
    that we don't know shit,
the truth will, indeed, set us free.
Those with hubris,
those who deny the inconceivable,
are imprisoned in the brain of a primate.
Admit it: "We don't know shit!"
Now, don't you feel relieved?
Don't you feel free?
Free to believe that there might, indeed,
be Something out there,
something unknowable.

REPRISE

"Don't be deceived by what you perceive.
There's so much more,
very much more.
So very much more than this."

Monday, January 2, 2017

It's New Year's Eve

It's New Year's Eve and I don't care.
The 'When' I live in knows no years.
No months nor weeks nor minutes fly.
I Am, right Here, right Now, Am I.




Saturday, September 10, 2016

On Forgetfulness


If you hear me complain that I cannot recall
     where I put my car keys,  or my dead cell phone,
     when I came home from wherever it was that I went yesterday ...
Please ask me if I can remember
       the very first time our baby grabbed my finger,
           or called for me in the middle of the night,
               or how I felt when the school bus pulled away
  that September day, so many years ago.