HOW TO WRITE A REALLY BAD POEM

Attention Deficit University
presents another lecture
by Dr Speedbump
(This one is about something he does quite well)

How to Write a Really Bad Poem

PREFACE

If you want to write verse,
you can't do much worse
than to do what I'm doing today.
I sure hope that you
won't write like I do.
It's OK, though, to do what I say.

Lesson 1 - RHYME

If you choose to write verse in rhyme
Coming close will sometimes squeak by 'em
Emily Dickenson
got an exemption,
But we seek perfection each time.

Lesson 2 - RHYTHM

Some would-be poets beat a drum:
ta-TUM ta-TUM ta-TUM ta-TUM.
Others care only about rhyming
and don't mind if a line (due to too many words or not enough)

lacks timing.

In sum,
ta-TUM ta-TUM ad infinitum
eventually becomes as bothersome
as no rhythm.

Lesson 3 - ALLITERATION

Alliteration is a little like chili sauce.
Since the same starting sound sure sounds spiffy in spots,
It's a dandy device
that does add some spice.
But dinner's destroyed if you use lots and lots.

Lesson 4 - ORIGINALITY

Metaphors are the heart of good verse
Metaphorically speaking, of course.
Similes ought to be as
fresh as a summer 'bree-az'.
So please do not beat a dead horse.

You won't make an impression with obvious rhymes
and hackneyed expressions that are older than Time.
Like making 'Love' rhyme with 'Dove',
or 'Under Heaven Above'
So sing a new song, instead of poems like mine. 

CONCLUSION

          A poem might be bad due to sloppy technique.
          Yet proper technique is not all that you seek.
          For a poem that's good, you need something to say:
          A feeling or image that you wish to convey.
          You must make it your own -- you must make it unique.

           Ask yourself why you want to write poetry
           If you hope to achieve notoriety,
           here are some tricks you might try.
           Try being an addict or a bona fide lunatic
           Then wait for a century after you die.
       
           If it simply brings you joy to compose
           and you find it boring to write in prose.
                                Don't stop!

  

Class Dismissed

o

PHILOSOPHY, IGNORANCE & STUPIDITY

ATTENTION DEFICIT UNIVERSITY
presents
A Philosophy Lecture Without Too Many Words
(and hardly any of them original)

Today's Topic: Philosophy, Ignorance and Stupidity

"One of these things is not like the others ..." ~ Sesame Street

phi-los-o-phy, n., the study of the fundamental nature of knowledge, reality, and existence. From the Greek, Philosophia, a "love of wisdom"

Most people have some knowledge, about something.
Others, like me, love it to pieces.
"We," said Majikthise, "are Philosophers."
"Though we may not be." said Vroomfondel ...

~ Douglas Adams, A Hitchhikers Guide ...

Benjamin Franklin was too smart to have said,
"We are all born ignorant,
but one must work hard to remain stupid."
Ignorance and stupidity are not the same.
I've known many ignorant, intelligent people.
Ben must have, too. Ignorance is hard work.
It's not easy to ignore everything you hear.
Stupidity is a gift from God, an abiding quality.

"We are surrounded by a deep and abiding stupidity."

~ Bob Herbert, New York Times

"I see dumb people."

~ I heard my son, Mike, say it a few times.

Ignorance, although curable, is even more pervasive.
Q. Hey! Didn't some wise man say that "Ignorance is bliss?"
A. Not exactly. In context, the poet (Gray, 1742) actually said:
Thought would destroy their paradise.
No more; Where ignorance is bliss, 'Tis folly to be wise.

Mark Twain was wise enough to say,
"To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence."

M. Scott Peck (Further Along the Road Less Traveled) was taught that
"Clothes make the make the man." However, "Disillusionment was bound to follow, because sooner or later it was inevitable that I would run across a well-dressed idiot." Dr. Peck then quotes a slogan on an apron (Anon.). Yes, an apron. "Before Truth, the Right Fork." This would be funny if it weren't so true.

Q. Who said this and when?
"Where ignorance is pervasive, Democracy ~ government by the people, ~ is the biggest threat there is to the success of democratic government."
A. I did. Just now. Plato probably said something like it 2300 years ago.

"Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing."
~ Euripedes