"ON FEELINGS" -- a poetical essay

"ON FEELINGS"

           a poetical essay by V. Lucid

Your Feelings belong only to You.

You gave birth to them.

They thrive on Neglect.

Sometimes you nurture them ... and they grow

            when you'd rather they didn't.

Sometimes you call them by a wrong name.

Still, they are Yours alone.

Sometimes you want to keep your Feelings to Yourself;

            especially when you're uncomfortable with them.

You're afraid that people won't understand:

            that they might laugh at You;

            or that You might get hurt.

You're afraid that people will think You are weak.

Listen Up, now!
Sensitivity has about as much to do with Weakness

            as Callousness has to do with Strength.

Nothing!  Absolutely Nothing!

The people who act as if they are stronger than You,
            more important, or superior in any way

            are always the people with the most insecurity

                        about themselves.

They are so afraid that others will find that out.

Other times, You feel compelled to express Your Feelings,

            at least to Someone You Trust.

Even then, it's not easy.

Words won't suffice.                    .

Words are useful to explain our Thoughts.

Feelings easily slip through the spaces between the Words.

Choose you Confidants carefully.

If you want Everyone to understand You ... get Real!

You can't expect people to be in touch with Your Feelings

            when they're not even in touch with their own.

If you want people to accept You Just the Way You are,

You have to accept them just the way they are --

            even when there is Injustice.

But that doesn't mean You have to like them. 
Yes, it is hard not to judge judgmental people .

If you want Someone, Anyone, to understand You,

            where do You start?

Right where You are, of course,  

Which Way do You go?

Toward Self-Understanding ... or better yet, Self-Love.

Listen up, again!

When You truly Love Yourself, Just the Way You Are,

You won't care what others may think of You.
Remember Always that You are a Child of God!

That Alone makes You Worthy,

            Just the Way You Are. 

Part I. CRITICISM FROM OTHERS

From CRITICISM,  A TRILOGY


FOREWORD

My head wrote this poem to buoy up my heart 
     when it was low in the water. 
It worked -- so now we offer this verse to you, 
     with sincere hope that you’ll find something useful. 
If you don’t like what it says or how it’s said, 
     we really don’t give a dust bunny.

It’s Not About You

Do not take to heart
     any judgmental comments from others.
Cynics and most critics
     are cursed with a relentless itch --
A need to convince themselves
     that they are not inferior to others.

They project their fears and inadequacies
     onto whomever they can.
So when they make disparaging remarks,
     it is one self-image chastising another.
Neither one is yours.
     It’s not about you at all.

If someone throws bricks at you,
     do not stoop to throw them back.
Build something with them --
     perhaps a wall around your garden.
Leave an open gate – you want a boundary,
     not a fortress or a prison.

Elitism is a Euphemism

Snobbery is Insecurity all dressed up
     in fancy, musty clothes from a stuffy attic.
False Pride is Shame going the ball --
     but dreading midnight.
Snobs are afraid they’ll be found out
     to be like everyone else, frail and flawed.

Most of their shortcomings matter very little,
     but one crucial virtue is lacking.
Humility – the habit of seeing yourself
     as you truly are, not as you wish to be.
Once you accept the truth,
     there is nothing left to prove.

Part II. SELF-CRITICISM Reprise from April 6, 2010

From CRITICISM: A TRILOGY

The Road To Perfection

The harshest critic is usually the Judge within you
     taking over the task begun by your parents.
Perhaps it’s time to send that judge down the road –
     and to exile the Judge’s soul-mate, the Victim --
that pin-cushion Martyr, with arrows by the hundreds
     sticking into him or her from all angles.

Do you set higher standards for yourself
     than you do for others? Isn’t that Vanity?
Why be so slow to forgive yourself for making errors,
     when you would so quickly forgive a friend?
Do you think you can achieve Perfection?
     If so, you’ve already made one big mistake.

Accept the fact that the Road to Perfection
     has not been completed -- nor will it ever be.
Check all your baggage except for one knapsack,
     then tear up the ticket and travel light.
Let the Judge and Victim trudge toward Perfection,
     while you head toward Fulfillment instead.

Your Garden

Peer into a mirror as if it were a window
     looking out on a garden.
Then step outside into that garden
     and just admire it for a while.
Now you may look around for weeds,
     but go slowly and carefully with the hoe.

Every new sprout is not an evil alien invader
     on a mission to choke your petunias.
Welcome some wildflowers,
     like Spontaneity and at least a little Risk.
Trust Helen Keller -- “Life is a daring adventure or nothing.
     Security is mostly a superstition. ”

Take time often to water your garden,
     but not with a fire hose.
Compassion is a persistent shower,
     but a gentle one --
Enough to wash the dust from the leaves
     and refresh the thirsty roots.

Now go somewhere else
     and do something different.
Come back in the morning light to see how well
     the garden grew during the night --
Simply because you turned it over and left it alone --
     trusting that all would be well. It is.

Part III. CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

From CRITICISM,  A TRILOGY


Criticism Without Condescension

The only criticism of any value
     is Constructive Criticism, kindly offered.
Patronization is a hollow bone,
     useful only as a weapon.
Sincerity is the marrow needed for growth.
     Pick no bones without it.


Whom Do You Trust?

Seek the advice of someone with no agenda
     other than to help you.
Someone trustworthy, truthful and tactful,
     who will say what they truly believe.
Don’t bother if you’re just looking for someone
     to agree with you.

Put your own opinion on a shelf, for now,
     to make room in your head for new ideas.
Listen with an open mind
     and adopt ony the ideas that willl work for you.
The finest new clothes may not come in your size.
     Borrow only those that fit.

Value the opinion of a simple man,
     though he may lack tact or eloquence.
Unencumbered by pride or reputation,
     he often sees more clearly than the experts.
With childlike honesty, he will give you his view,
     and be delighted that you asked for it.


Divine Guidance

Tech support is available from our manufacturer.
     Call him -- anytime, any topic, no cost!
Smarter than Google, though slower than a turtle,
     with answers tailored to your needs.
It’s not necessary to put your question into words,
     or even into complete thoughts.

You won’t be addressed by a voice from the sky –
     unless you’re Charlton Heston.
It will be more like a telepathic message
     from Jiminy Cricket, perhaps when you’re asleep.
Wish upon that star … then wait … patiently ... quietly …
     and the answer will seep into you.

Without your knowing when it happened,
     you’ll realize that you can see more clearly.
When you get this gift that some call Grace,
     do what Mom taught you: say, “Thank You!”.
Somehow, the fog will have faded away –
     and you will know what is right and true.


AFTERWORD -- An Earworm for You to Sing and Share

“Has anybody here --
     seen a judge and a victim?
Can you tell me where they hide?”
     “I thought I saw them trudgin’
Down the road to Perfection,
     with Anger, a Martyr, and Pride.”


LAST WORD

Copyright 2010, V. J. Lucid and The Attention Deficit Compan
      but feel free to forward it to friends.
It’s too big to chew without cutting it up,
      so each part and many verses are written to stand alone.
If you like it,  please tell DrSpeedbump@DrSpeedbump.com
If you don’t like it, you can't image the size of the dust bunny I do not give.

If You Close the Door ...

So,
you think no one can hurt you
if you close the door
and lock it from within.

Now,
no one can hear you
no one can help you.
no one can even ask "How are you?"

Soon,
your friends stop trying.
You think no one can hurt you?
Someone just did.

A View of ADD -- from the Inside

It's not a deficit of attention.
On the contrary,
there's an abundance of attention,
with a sensory overload to match.
The Creator, for some impish reason,
didn't bother to install a stimulus filter
in the brains of some of us:
butterflies, cabbage moths, hummingbirds
and me.  You too, perhaps?
Like the rip-tide in swift river
where the flow converges
at the downstream end of an island --
and at the mouth of that river,
when the wind is blowing onshore --
there's bound to be turbulence
where the flow of thoughts collide.
With unfiltered sensations
from the usual five senses
plus a few more that, for now,
we'll call intuition and inspiration,
trying to get something accomplished
is a bit like boiling a 3-minute egg in a geyser.
Making a decision is similar to
pointing out your favorite snowflake
before it hits the wet pavement.
If you prefer,
imagine the life of a goldfish in a lava lamp.
It's not like a hurricane with a headache --
not so organized or directional.
Rather, more like an electrical storm:
with lightning sky to sky and sky to ground,
sudden cracks and ominous rumbles
that no one can hear but us.
You may see it in my eyes sometimes,
when you're talking to me
but you're not sure if I'm tuned
to the same channel.
Salmon know what it's like,
swimming upstream through the rapids,
leaping above the whitewater now and then
to gain some distance.
Paradoxically, we sometimes hyperfocus,
with steel-wire determination, unable to let go.
Despite the turbulence,
Salmon are intent to spawn and die.
And so, I suppose, must I.

A GLOSSARY of EMOTIONS

The Attention Deficit Compan

presents

A GLOSSARY OF EMOTIONS

• Anger is the bottle of warm soda that you dropped on the floor and then left on the table for an unsuspecting person to open.  Sometimes it’s a suit of armor (see Hurt).

• Anxiety is a parasite that feeds on Doubt and defecates more than it consumes.

• Confidence is the jar that contains Anxiety.  Nobody knows what's in there, but you.  

• Contentment happens when you stop bitching long enough to count even a fraction of your blessings.

• Desire and Fear: the two puppeteers who try to move you about.
  They inevitably tangle your strings. 

• They inevitably tangle your strings. 

• Despair is a sea of Sadness on a moonless night in March. Hope is a dolphin.

• Disappointment is a result of focusing on the outcome rather than on the process.

• Discontent is what you get when you can’t see what you already have.

• Embarrassment is the ragged underwear beneath a suit of Dignity.

• Envy is the result of looking in the mirror and seeing somebody else instead of yourself.

• Faith is a conviction made with insufficient evidence.

• Gratitude is Grace going the other way.

• Grief and Sorrow are the wounds left behind when a part of you is ripped away. Sympathy is the bandage and Compassion is a kiss to make it better.  

• Guilt is the hangover your conscience gets when it realizes what Selfishness has done.

• Happiness is the prize you get if you stay on the ride through the ups and downs, remain seated, keep your hands inside the car at all times, and hold on to the few things that really matter.

• Hatred is not the opposite of Love.  That’s Indifference. Hate is the venom of the snake that inevitably bites its own tail.

• Hurt is the little person inside a big suit of Anger, like the Wizard of Oz.

• Jealousy is the jailer who tortures himself when his prisoner tries to escape.

• Loneliness comes to visit when your roommate is a self-image that you don’t really like.

• Love is God, for God is Love.  All of it! Every warm feeling or thought, every kind word, every secret longing, every unselfish action, ever and everywhere: the unseen, often unfelt centripetal force that makes us One.  To learn how to Love and how to Be Loved – that’s why we’re here.  All the rest is colored bubbles.

• Sadness is something  that you need once in a while so you’ll recognize  Happiness when it happens.

• Self-Pity is Sadness with Low Self-Esteem.

• Shame is the noise a secret makes when it rattles the closet door.

• Suffering is the soreness you get for resisting what is.  

• Vengeance is where Pride goeth after the fall.  Humiliation is the driver.

• Zeal is Enthusiasm on Speed.

___________________________________________________
Copyright 2010, 2013 V. J. Lucid
It’s OK to forward it to anyone who might like it.
Lots more at DrSpeedbump.com and TheAttentionDeficitCompan.com

HOW TO ACCEPT WHAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE

Define something that bothers you
and something else that brings you joy.
Write them down in two short phrases.
Now! Give them permission to exist in your kingdom.
Just for now. Not for ever.

Don't wrap your difficulty in despair,
nor get too comfortable with comfort.
Good fortune is a reason to be grateful,
rather than self-congratulatory or smug.
Acceptance precludes neither hope nor risk.

Wear or carry some little trinket, anything,
to remind you daily that "this, too, shall pass."
All that is painful or joyful, beauteous or hideous,
will inevitably fade like the morning fog.
So, give it permission to be in your kingdom ... for now.

Photo Credit: Dave Kemp - PicturePerfect.nu

THE SIMPLE TRUTH IS A BIG BLACK TRUCK

”You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.” *
The first half of that compound sentence is often forgotten.
Thus, you’re zipping merrily around the outskirts of Ignorance,
oblivious to danger in your sporty little “look-at-me” Illusion,
a Masquerade with tinted windows, an over-sized Misconception,
or perhaps a classic Lie (mine was a convertible).
Meanwhile, the simple, unknown Truth is a big, black truck
with no visible driver, careening down a long hill, toward you.

A collision with the truth-truck might demolish your Illusion or Lie,**
suddenly setting you free; or you might get trapped in it for a while.
Or, imagine an ominous truck bearing down on you on a desert road,
all through the night, like a Headless Horseman on wheels,***
testing your evasive skill until your brain boils over.
Wouldn’t it be wiser and more serene, yet still adventurous,
to seek the Truth, ask for a ride in that truck,
and just see where it takes you? Eh, Pilgrim?

NOTES:
* (John 8:32). Inspiration provided by Jennifer.
**or whatever they sold you at Falsehood Motors (It's HUGE!)
***A simile for my metaphor. Sorry, Ichabod! I couldn't help it.
****I wrote this, before old memories bubbled up, from 40-50 years ago,
about an episode of Twilight Zone or Outer Limits with James Garner
or that other guy I confuse with him (you know, the guy from "The Birds"),
and a subsequent movie with Janet Leigh or her wanna-be,
driving a sports-car, I think, and being pursued by a driver-less semi.
All I borrowed was the all-through-the-night part on a desert road. Honest!

MORE THAN THEY APPEAR TO BE*

“Things are not always what they appear to be.”
That’s true enough; and it’s not just about being deceptive.
Sirens, grandmotherly wolves, and wax grapes notwithstanding,
the people in our lives, and the principles we live by,
are often much more precious than we realize.
We may not recognize their value until they’re gone.
Then regret seeps in to fill the vacant space.
Who did you meet on your way to Emmaeus?**

.
“If I had realized ..." [insert the Whole Truth here] ...
"I would have cherished ..." or "I would have told him ..."
or "I wouldn’t have acted as I did ..."
or yada this or yada that.
It’s not too late to heal those wounds, Dear Soul.
Sometimes, though, it takes years -- and it takes tears.
If you ask me, I’ll tell you how I did it
with the memory of my father. Right, Dad?

NOTES:
* Inspiration courtesy of Jennifer.
** Luke (24:13-35).
***For more on “not always what they appear”
see this Blog for May 5, 2010: “God’s Image and Man’s Imagination”.

SOMETHING RESEMBLING an OGRE

When something resembling an Ogre
has found a home in your backyard,
walk around the beast, three times at least,
before you start poking at it.
Provoked, it might attack suddenly.
Unprovoked, it will likely circle you
to assess your behavior,
instead of starting to poke at you.

You'll soon realize that the two of you
are dancing rather than fighting.
You'll see one another from all different angles.
You may learn that your dance partner
is merely something resembling an Ogre,
and not at all fearsome or ferocious.
It could be fun, you know --
even if it is a real Ogre.

ON LIMITS AND LIMITATIONS*

First, a note.
My son is now grown.
However, "just because they've left doesn't mean they're gone."
This is the first of a series of poems about things I tried to teach him -- or that he taught me. The non-verbal lessons didn't become poems until long after the fact, when I had gained a better view. To read the others, wait a week or a year, return to this one and click on the label below entitled,
"teach the children".

fuf

ON LIMITS AND LIMITATIONS

Find your own limits and push gently on them.
They will protect you and strengthen you.
Let them move slowly due to your effort.
Don't try to break through, lest the damage become irreparable.
Limits need to be flexible - not brittle, nor staunch.
The next time you reach them, you may find them stretched a bit.
Like new shoes that were a half-size too small for you,
they will serve their purpose even better than before, for a while.
Don't expect others to move or remove your limitations for you.
Find your own limits and push gently on them.

ENVY or "Consider the Turtle"

Does the turtle envy the bird
for its ability to fly?
No more than the bird envies the fish
for its effortless swimming.
Does that fish envy the amphibious frog
for being equally at home in two different worlds?
No more than the frog, the fish and the bird
envy the turtle for its invulnerability.
And so it goes; for all creatures were given
special talents that define their individuality.
Most of them never complain.

Find your gifts. Some are well hidden.
Open them and use them. Make them shine.
Say "Thank You!", even if you hear no applause.
Others may envy you, though this might surprise you.
Chances are, they are none other than those
you regarded as more gifted than yourself.
Consider the turtle.

TOWARD FULFILLMENT

    Where are you going, my Little One ...?

We choose our path and pack our own duffel,
     mostly with stuff that's not worth its weight;
         and we set out on our own private odyssey --
             or perhaps we wait for a ship that never comes.

Though never quite sure where we are going,
     we are guided by Wisdom bought with pain
         and by a gift of Grace, which somehow appears,
             perhaps delivered by a prophet, or just by a friend.

The Cloud of Unknowing hides some distractions
      and we suddenly recall what we've known all along:
          that Being Loved is the place we have been longing for;
              and Loving is the only way that will surely get us there.
       
                    All the rest is colored bubbles.

Part II: SELF-CRITICISM

From CRITICISM: A TRILOGY


The Road To Perfection

The harshest critic is usually the Judge within you
     taking over the task begun by your parents.
Perhaps it’s time to send that judge down the road –
     and to exile the Judge’s soul-mate, the Victim --
that pin-cushion Martyr, with arrows by the hundreds
     sticking into him or her from all angles.

Do you set higher standards for yourself
     than you do for others? Isn’t that Vanity?
Why be so slow to forgive yourself for making errors,
     when you would so quickly forgive a friend?
Do you think you can achieve Perfection?
     If so, you’ve already made one big mistake.

Accept the fact that the Road to Perfection
     has not been completed -- nor will it ever be.
Check all your baggage except for one knapsack,
     then tear up the ticket and travel light.
Let the Judge and Victim trudge toward Perfection,
     while you head toward Fulfillment instead.

Your Garden

Peer into a mirror as if it were a window
     looking out on a garden.
Then step outside into that garden
     and just admire it for a while.
Now you may look around for weeds,
     but go slowly and carefully with the hoe.

Every new sprout is not an evil alien invader
     on a mission to choke your petunias.
Welcome some wildflowers,
     like Spontaneity and at least a little Risk.
Trust Helen Keller -- “Life is a daring adventure or nothing.
     Security is mostly a superstition. ”

Take time often to water your garden,
     but not with a fire hose.
Compassion is a persistent shower,
     but a gentle one --
Enough to wash the dust from the leaves
     and refresh the thirsty roots.

Now go somewhere else
     and do something different.
Come back in the morning light to see how well
     the garden grew during the night --
Simply because you turned it over and left it alone --
     trusting that all would be well. It is.


An Earworm for You

“Has anybody here --
     seen a judge and a victim?
          Can you tell me where they hide?”
“I thought I saw them trudgin’
     Down the road to Perfection,
          with Anger, a Martyr, and Pride.”